When I was eleven I used to say that I didn’t want to get married or have kids. That’s when my mami and madrina took me to the side saying I couldn’t say that or people would think I was a lesbian. I guess they had short term memory loss. It had around my parents’ separation. Marriage did not work.
For years I did not want to get married. Then I was in relationships that I couldn’t get married. The institution of marriage sucked. Why would I believe in something that I couldn’t do? I failed at really committing in my relationships but I got a whole list of reasons for that. When marriage became legal in California I became really excited and even though I was in love with a man and could get married, it was in that moment that the possibility of getting married was really open to me. I wanted to call him up and ask him to gay marry me even though he’s not gay.
I didn’t think Proposition 8 would pass and it did. I felt the pain of the couples that got married at city hall, in front of their families and friends, in gowns and/or suits, around loved ones, saying their vows publicly, their love now acknowledged is no longer valid by the government.
I have a special, close relationship to God and there has never been a time that He has condemned me for being queer. Never. I don’t believe in that crap. God is more loving than that. So, to use God and religion to oppose same sex marriage infuriates me. Are people that insecure that they have to govern other people’s love?
I wish I could be marching with my brothers and sisters right now. I wish I could be marching with all types of families that support everyone’s right to marriage. I wish I could be there but right now I am in suburban hell without a car. So, I will say my prayers and write this blog. Yes, there are plenty of other rights we have to fight for, like non-discrimination, equal housing, job opportunities, programs to get medicine, issues on bias. We also have to work towards that. Even though I am not with a woman right now I am still queer. It is part of my system, it is part of how I look at the world, it is part of who I am. That will never change. Everyone has the right to live a happy life. Everyone.
I pray that we gather the strength in ourselves and in each other to move forward. I pray that we all respect each other. I pray that opposition will end and bridges will be built to create a better humanity. May our light shine.