It took me two hours to get home yesterday from work. I did not wear socks. I wore my new cute black and purple shoes with flecks of gold on them. I rode the bus, two buses, I waited, waited too long. And the whole time I was trying not to get mad, trying not to feel sorry for myself. I was trying to be present and just take it, just take everything good or bad. Then I got home and looked at the map and realized that it took me two hours when work is only 3.3 miles away. I still tried not to get mad, tried not to feel sorry for myself.
There is a lesson to learn in all of this. This is what I told the lawyer I work for. Today my roommate drove me to work. Almost killed me driving through a stop sign but still drove me to work. My new employer drove me home. So, I figure that getting driven around was making up for all that time spent waiting for the bus in the cold.
This trying to be present and mindful and conscious thing is pretty difficult. But I am getting there. I hope. I am going through a huge transition right now. Things are moving. I may cry because some things might move away. I may be scared and happy because things are moving my direction.
My friend told me she read this article about this American woman who met a guy in Thailand, also American, and wanted to stay with him. She came back to the states broke up with her boyfriend stopped being a lawyer and married the new guy. They raised their kids all over the world and was able to do this because they were both travel/food writers. She thought of me. That my family would be similar to that family and every now and then I would send her a postcard. When I was a kid I envisioned that I would raise a family all over. I used to see myself on a horse in the desert and my son taking a break from riding and playing around as we rode on. I used to see that. But I told her I can’t see any of that now because all I am trying to do is be present.