Dripping River Water

Love

Reflections on presence December 8, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Maceo Cabrera Estevez @ 11:15 pm
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My right hand has swirls and hearts and dots.  I spent late last night painting henna and catching up on stories with my sisters.  I fell asleep with smiles and woke up with my heart full.  So far I think this has been the best breakup ever.  I am not crying on my couch listening to every song that reminds me of him.  I listen to his music and I am in awe with his special gift.  I was honest and less guarded.  I spoke with love.  I have undoubtedly matured.  

I keep on wondering if I am in survivor mode.  If I am not feeling upset and just going on with my life because that is what I have done for the most part.  Then when I really think about it, I know.  I have found peace in myself and I am moving forward because that is what I am made to do.

Today was my first Eid al Adha.  Eid Mubarak!  When I thought I would have more money to go to Morocco and study Arabic I timed it so I can celebrate this Eid.  For some reason this Eid was important to me.  Even before I took my shahada, I knew I  had to be part of it.  I don’t understand all the words when we sing yet my heart  swells and tears come to my eyes.  I feel blessed to be learning, to be surrounded by light.  I didn’t become Muslim for him.  He is so open he would never ask that.  But because I loved him I wanted to learn and with that learning came my closeness to God.  The one thing I am sad about is that we didn’t get a chance to pray together.  I guess that will happen in due time.

I see in myself how powerful faith, growth and change can be.  I believe that everyone has the capacity to make changes in their lives to have a better foundation, to be happy.  Everyone has their own path.  It is important to find it if you haven’t stumbled upon it yet.  I believe it all happens in due time.  I am glad my time has been now.  I am really aware of all the ways I need to keep on growing.  Luckily I come from a family that has good genes and I may live past 100 like my abuela who is 106, like her brother who died at 115, like her uncle who died at 117.  In this moment, I am present, everything is wide open.

the end.

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2 Responses to “Reflections on presence”

  1. mikewalzman Says:

    great to see that your are open and happy. I also found that when my heart is open is when I am truly at peace. I also agree that every has their own path, with it’s up and downs but always moving forward. I wish you the best on your path : )

  2. Thank you so much. I am grateful.


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