Dripping River Water


sad but true December 8, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Maceo Cabrera Estevez @ 2:00 am
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More info after reading The blocks.

I put braids in my hair today.


 I wondered if at 33 I could still get away with that.  Put on my Adidas jacket and sneakers to match and walked down to lakeshore.  I tried to be present but then remembered that I forgot my ATM card.  I didn’t walk up the hill again I decided if all else fails and I can’t buy anything with my $20 I will just window shop.  

I realized I was present when I looked at consumer objects.  I saw all the oranges and blues and yellows.  I looked at people, sometimes smiled, sometimes looked down.  I was present.  When I walked down the street I forgot to really look at the plants and flowers.  I forgot to hear the cars hum, the birds chirping, the steps in my walk.  Then I would remember and do it.

So, we had the talk and will no longer be together.  Sad but true.  We will be part of each others lives but I won’t smell his skin in the same way.  I won’t kiss his lips, I won’t think about how good it feels to be held by him.  Well, maybe I will think it but won’t do anything about it.

My heart will mend.  I have grown with him and hopefully I will find a way to be more centered and committed with whomever that will be.  I don’t jump from relationship to relationship.  It used to take a long time for me to heal.  Almost as long as the relationship, sometimes even longer.  But I am hoping it won’t be that long.  I don’t want to hear from friends that there are so many people that have a crush on me because no one tells me.  I am babbling now and maybe I could just edit those last lines but I want to keep them.  This is me when I am not so present.

the end.


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