I’ve had three days of spiritual experiences. In three different places. Excuse me four. Three days of everything coming into full circle. This was the first in practicing everything I believed in. I cried and teared in front of strangers all part of my community somehow. I am starting to feel free.
I sat with my friends, my sisters drinking tea and catching up with our lives. This is something we have not done all together for a long time. One of them told me that she loves that I am comfortable in my own skin, that I have my own path and I lead it. I have felt so outside of my skin these past few weeks that it was comforting to hear that. I feel more settled. I feel more like myself. There is an acceptance there, I know how I need to grow how I need to change. Life is full of transitions. This year has been a difficult one. Not just for me but for many of us. It is about growth.
Yesterday when I talked/ when my heart was so tight/ when I finally got to breathe/ I had to massage my heart. It got lighter and lighter throughout the day. I went to a retreat at a meditation center on Freeing my Heart. My heart is getting there. I think almost there for the moment. Work still needs to be done. I think my heart got a little too used to being closed. It is guarded and open at the same time. This does not work.
I give my love so much more freely to my friends, my family even to strangers. To lovers, to partners I get scared and the guard goes up and I didn’t even know it. I was always giving, yes, of my heart, no.
We went to the ocean tonight. I dressed in layers, watermelon and pennies in hand. We stood holding each others hands in a circle. Every moment is a blessing. The ocean is as vast and deep as we are. A beautiful moment. I felt free.
I know that this coming year has to be different. No more blocks. No more guards. This is what I will let go of, my guard. This is what I will put away, the blocks. I did not ask for anything but support. I didn’t ask for a car, I didn’t ask for more money, I didn’t ask for a partner. I only asked for God and the angels to support me when I try to find my guard, when I try to collect my blocks. I feel free.
I also want to say yes more. Yes to seeing friends. Yes to going on more adventures. Yes to receiving help. Yes to the people that try to give me samples at the farmer’s market and whole foods. Yes to love.
I will be off of the internet for the next month. I will write, heal, write and rejuvenate. May you be full, may you be peaceful, may you always experience your beauty, may you be gentle and kind to yourself. May you say yes to love.