Dripping River Water

Love

looking for signs February 2, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Maceo Cabrera Estevez @ 5:54 pm
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I am the girl who looks for signs.  The woman that is no longer a girl.

I feel like I am back in the place I was three years ago.  My head clouded, not knowing what to do next.  I remember going to a reading and Eleggua scolding me that I want to do too many things and I only have one life.  Pick one.  Just one.

Right now I don’t know which one that one is.  When I started to write Amor Cubano: In a bottle, a tube and a small packet I envisioned it bigger than the words I was writing.  I envisioned it long.  For years.  Barbarita on stage.  Barbarita on screen.  Barbarita with her one TV show.  Barbarita seems to have walked away from me for awhile.  Doesn’t matter that I bought her a new cheetah print dress.  She is not gonna stick around while my head is clouded.

Then there is Jazmín and Kumari the screenplay I started writing.  I really enjoy writing it.  Their characters are coming to life even when I walk down the street.  But I am not writing.  Not sitting at the table as I am doing right now to write scenes and conversations.

What am I doing?

Then I met this mom that said I should write a the nanny’s guide for stay at home moms.  I thought, oh that would make money.  I can see the cover right now.  Is this a sign?  And then I was no longer excited about it coz I would have to interview all these nannies and who has time for that?

I am back at the same place again.  And I saw Guillermo Gomez Peña and Marga Gomez walking down the street.  Not together!  Two writer/performance artists that I have always admired and I thought, that is a sign.  Why am I not writing and performing right now?  Then I realized Culture Clash was performing a the Brava Theatre in the Mission where I was and figured it wasn’t really a sign.

I can ask God to give me some signs but sometimes I don’t listen to the signs.  I can be very bratty.  

Maybe it’s time to really look for the signs and stop being bratty.  Maybe then I will get more signs and actually do something.  Not being productive is very boring.  

Oh the Mondays.

the end.

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3 Responses to “looking for signs”

  1. pomegranate queen Says:

    i remember when i was all cloudy the signs stopped. no synchronicity. this was the hardest thing for me. i eventually realized i wasn’t open to the universe because of the toxic situation i had invited into my life and wouldn’t let go of. the toxicity was taking over my body, my spirit, my ability to be open. my heart. closed up. i was no longer connecting.

    What I learned (and still learning) is no matter what, your body will tell you. even if the signs aren’t there. or you’re cloudy and can’t read the signs. know that your body will always tell you. once you listen, you will reconnect. the synchronicity will return.

    (and you are a BRILLIANT writer/poet/performer!! the gifts you have are a blessing habibti)

    much much love

    PQ

  2. Thank you, sister. Your words mean a lot to me. I do need the universe to help me. Thanks for the reminder. love to you!

  3. Rudysan Says:

    I also look for signs. I listen and feel for what the universe has in store for me. I know where they are obstructions, and that means, don’t proceed. As Ifa would say, its not in your bowl.

    I know in California the signs would come when I needed answers. Maybe I was lucky. Since my days here Chicago, I don’t feel the same connection. That bums me out from time to time.

    I know there are times I think, what the F am I doing, sometimes I know, most of the time I know. Other times I seem to screw myself with the past or decisions that I made, not very Zen.


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