There is a tree on Hearst that I like to pass by. I fit right under it. The tree covers me with its fragrance. I wonder what type of tree it is. The flowers small and white are similar to jasmine. I walk back and forth under the tree. I am on my tippy toes having the flowers caress my nose.
A girl looked at me strange today. It’s ok maybe I inspired her to smell the flowers.
It is finally spring and the flowers have been blooming for awhile. The plants are just as confused as the people. I hear the bugs are as well. Poor bugs. I walk for miles and miles all around Berkeley. My mind drifts off to too many places and I realize I am bored. I realize that something different and big is going to happen soon and I want it to happen right now! Actually, I just want to know what it is. I come from of family of diviners. I can easily pick up the phone and ask someone to tell me what is going to happen next in my life. I am trying not to do that.
I am in a moment of practicing patience. I am trying to surrender to everything that happens. I am trying to be content while making progress in my life. I went to the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor last weekend and facilitated a writing workshop. It was mostly on meditation and reflection. I had a good group of people. We were all smiles. I was nervous beforehand. I enjoy the performance of teaching but not everything else that comes with it. This time I liked everything that came with it. I was in total bliss facilitating this workshop. I had such great feedback and good insight to make the workshop better. I wanted to facilitate workshops all day long. I forgot how joyful it is to share with others. I forgot that my smile can make others smile. I forgot for a minute there that my spiritual development is important for the work I need to do. I am happiest in service. If I can contribute just a little bit to make humanity better I know that I am doing my work in this world.
I talked to my dad yesterday and told all the things that I am thinking about. Moving to LA, going to India for a residency, wanting to meet people so I can write for Ugly Betty, all this insha’Allah. He was surprised which made me surprised. He thought that since I am getting older I would settle down. But I can have more opportunities in LA, I can work on my book in India, I can write for TV like I’ve always wanted ever since I was a kid if I made the right connections. I told him that I am a late bloomer. Actually, I always knew what I wanted I was too scared to do it. I escaped in so many ways. These past years I’ve been working on myself-hardcore. I am not the same. But of course the most work is still yet to come when I stop having commitment issues and settle down. When I really become open to that. I pretend I am open. I think I would be more open if… I can’t tell you, that is way too honest.
I feel like my brother right now. I used to call him and ask him what is happening in his life and he would tell me that he’s waiting. Waiting. Waiting. I would get so frustrated because I felt he never took action in his life. Right now I understand. I feel like I am waiting, too. As I wait I will smell the flowers. Surrendering is peaceful.