Barbarita went on vacation. She is my alter-ego, the main character of my play Amor Cubano: In a bottle, a tube and a small packet. I think she went to Tahiti or somewhere. I just didn’t hear from her for months. I thought she was never coming back. Then she showed up right on my doorstep demanding that we get Amor Cubano back out to the world.
And we did. Together. It was just like old times but I realize that Barbarita is really cooky.
If you were labeled as the weird one at school you kinda don’t want to go through the rest of your life being called weird. I was once reminded that I am not really weird, I am just not afraid of being myself. I found this comforting especially coming from my love.
When I totally let myself be free as a writer I created Amor Cubano. When I didn’t care if people thought that I was a nut case or a genius I shared it with others. In my two years of creating this play I have learned so much. The hardest lesson was to trust my intuition and not go along with things if it doesn’t feel right. I like to keep to my word but I can’t do that if the outcome is going to hurt me. I am learning.
I have been writing. Writing for months. Not anything for Amor Cubano. Barbarita left me. I guess she wanted me to sort out things by myself.
I was asked to perform last night. I was asked to bring back Barbarita. So, I called her and she came. It was amazing! I will let you in on a silly secret. When I need to write Barbarita I dress like her.
I bought this dress in Miami. Really I shouldn’t of bought this dress because I just had $80 on me for the next couple of weeks. Pero it was so tempting. Barbarita teleported herself from who knows where and said, buy me that dress. Don’t worry we will be millionaires later. And so I entertained the saleslady and my mami by turning into Barbarita in the changing room. I practically did a show in the shop. After the purchase and me wondering if this was a good idea or not Barbarita wasn’t hearing it. Never doubt Barbarita. She left.
I think I am approaching that time where I have to make my goals list for 2009. I did mine in May for 2008 so I am not too worried that we’re heading into April. It’s those lists that are so helpful but I have a fear of doing. Like the list I want in a partner and how I want to be in a committed relationship. If I write it down then it becomes real like Amor Cubano. In my heart I know that love can change the world even if it’s a cooky Cuban lady selling you how to do it.
I woke up this morning and thought of the first line of this song. I think this will be my new theme song. Don’t ask.